Mummies vs. Vampires - sample

(I feel I should remind people that this isn't another Underworld or Nightwatch. With that said, here's the first page. Enjoy!)

ALWAYS BEEN HERE

They found the dead mummy on the beach. Photographers gathered around, snapping pictures and shoving each other for the money shot – for a glimpse of its face. The mummy wasn't a wrinkled monster in bandages. It was a bald woman in modern clothing. Everything was white: her jacket, her pants, her boots. The mummies were in the middle of a fight with a large group of vampires, when the cops ran in and scared everyone off. The reporter pointed to the corpse and said something about how it was the first time in history a mummy was seen on camera. Police officers started yelling at everyone, demanding they back away from the scene. The reporter protested as a cop shoved his hand into the camera. The screen went to static. I changed the channel to a soap opera only to be interrupted by another news update: The Honolulu Police Department discovered another vampire lair – what local people called “filthy chicken coops” – in a rundown Waikiki hotel.

The cameraman pushed through the cops. The place was dim. Lamps were on the ground and flashing. A light mist hung in the air. Sounds of bullets clicking into guns, laughter, and feet on candy wrappers. A cop pulled back a curtain and bathed the apartment in sunlight. Vampire corpses were scattered about, on the ground in tangled positions, wounds filled with more of that mysterious sand. People coughed and covered their noses from the stink of vampire sweat and piss. Large holes were in the walls. One of the cops reached into one and pulled out dead cats, said vampires loved sucking on “these little snacks”. Disgusted, I put down my juice box.

The reporter and her cameraman followed a few cops into the bathroom. The tub was filled with nude, dead people – all piled up, touching the ceiling, their hands clawed, mouths frozen in a scream. The bodies were covered in teethmarks and dried blood. I was reminded of a stack of french fries. (Funny how the TV blurred the genitals and breasts, not the blood-holes and death-stares.) My fingers dug into my knees. I felt trapped. There was nowhere to run. The vampire problem was worldwide. They were cockroaches – GIANT cockroaches that flew around and sucked our blood and lived like degenerates, like bums in moist alleys and rotting apartments. I couldn't remember a time without them. Thirty years....My life was filled with vampiric roaches. Nothing humans did worked to get rid of them. Nothing for us to do but clean up their bodies, celebrate, and wait....

Wait until the mummies killed them all.

Test cover for Mummies vs. Vampires

Coming soon!

Sweat Zombies - out now!

99 cents wherever ebooks are sold.

FREE at Smashwords with limited time coupon ---> NZ95J

A lovesick alcoholic joins a fitness center and gets more than he paid for. Pain, sweat, tears, zombies....No one said getting over depression would be easy. A fantasy-comedy novelette.

UPDATE: New title - New cover

From The Sweating Zoo to Sweat Zombies.

Still coming out later this month. I'll do a whole free coupon thing ^_^

New cover:

New book in the works

It's called The Sweating Zoo. Expect a crazy fitness center, zombies on treadmills, and pirates. A fantasy-comedy novella. I plan to have it out late next month. Here's the cover --->

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KDP Select - I'm doing it for all 9 books (Update: Not anymore)

Well, this blog has been dead for months. I've been busy (and more successful) doing my animated construction paper/toy series Toyboat Toyboat, which you can watch at http://blip.tv/toyboattoyboat

Honestly, my books have not been getting into the hands of as many people as I want -- even with Smashwords's help, and they make my stuff available on all reading devices. So in a "I've got nothing to lose" move, I'm taking my 9 books off Smashwords, and everywhere else, and taking the Amazon KDP Select path.

Let's see what happens.

(I guess I'm giving up on writing books. It was a dream of mine to write full time. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball. And I suck at baseball.)

If you're interested, here's an episode of my show (also available on YouTube):

UPDATE:

I got tired of animating. I missed writing. So, I'm back. As for KDP Select...not good. The result? Lots of free downloads, which is great. But the KDP Select free promotion is sooo damn short. Once that ended, it was back to the same one or two sales a month deal. I can see how the program can work for famous authors, but in my case, not so much. So I took my books off KDP. At least now they're available to enjoy on all reading devices.

UPDATE #2:

Sales for the Nook and iPad are good, as usual. Amazon...not so good. As usual. (Thinks.) Amazon: I don't get that place. My stuff has never sold well there. Do Kindle owners think differently from, say, Nook owners? Do more older people own Kindles? Do more younger people own Nooks? Do more people with a sense of humor own Nooks? Arrrghh!

I gotta go. My head's about to implode.

Mahalo.